So long, January!

I'll be glad when January is over. It's been a rough month for me... lots of dates that are just depressing! This month makes 8 years since we first started on our journey to have a baby. I know... 8 years!! Pretty unbelievable. This month also included the date our baby was to be born, the 21st. This one hit me hard, very hard. I miss our baby. And I think I wasn't expecting the date to get to me so much and just wasn't prepared for the onslaught of emotions. It's been rough, hard, sad, depressing and discouraging. I think I cried multiple times every day last week... and I'm not really a crier. To add to my heap of emotions, I've just been feeling like God has been absent from my life, like He just wasn't showing up anymore, like I'm in this all on my own. Now I know that's not at all true, but haven't you felt that way before? I kept saying, "God, where are you and what are you doing?" and kept getting no response. I don't really have an answer to why I felt that -maybe because I was being distant, not Him. I say all of this not to make you feel sorry for me (I know a lot of people have bigger trials and issues than me!) but just to show you where I was last week and prove that God is faithful to come through even when we can't see a way out. God did show up yesterday in a big, personal way. He gave me a fresh word straight from His heart, and I am so thankful!

I love to listen to James MacDonald from Walk in the Word. I don't hear him often, but I'm thankful when I do. He's very down to earth and has a great way of explaining scripture in its proper context. So yesterday, his message was entitled Why Trials? It's actually the 3rd part of a series, but it's just the one I needed to hear. He was preaching from James 1:2-8...

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways."

Consider it joy... huh, what?! That's hard to do! But God doesn't want us to think of our trial as joyful. He wants us to be joyful about the outcome of our trial... what we're going to have learned on the other side of it... how we'll be changed to look more like Him. He (James MacDonald) went on to say that the Greek word for steadfastness here means to "remain under". Who wants to remain under a trial? Our first reaction to trials is to get out of it, to be done with it. But if we can "remain under" it, God has amazing things in store for us. Job 23:10 says, "But he knows the way that I take, and when he has tried me, I shall come out as gold." Praise the Lord! I love that! He knows the trial I'm facing. He knows the pain I'm in. He knows the outcome. He knows! But when I come out on the other side, I will be like gold! :) And His Word says that I'll be "perfect and complete, lacking nothing." I want to be that! If I don't "remain under" this trial, I will never know the purposes God has for it. I'll never learn what He wanted to teach me. Oh, I pray for a teachable spirit!

I know this is getting long, but one more point. God doesn't want it to be a mystery to us what He's trying to teach us. "If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God who gives generously to all without reproach..." All we have to do is ask in faith what God is wanting us to learn or how he wants us to grow through our trials, and He will answer us- generously! He won't respond with agitation. He's not that kind of god. He's not going to leave me hanging or be absent like I felt last week. He just wants me to seek Him, to ask with faith for wisdom to get through this hard time. And He will answer!

Oh, if I can just "remain under!" Sure, it still hurts. Sure, my heart is still sad. Sure, it's not easy. BUT God is refining me as gold, working the process to make me perfect and complete, lacking nothing. That's good stuff, good enough to get me through!

I pray that God would speak to your heart today if you're struggling with a tough trial. May He give you the ability to "remain under" and wisdom to know the lesson He's teaching you so that you'll come out on the other side as gold!

Love y'all!

ps... if you want to hear the message that all of this is from- which i highly recommend- go to http://www.walkintheword.com/. go to broadcast and you'll see the previous messages, why trials part 3. you may have to sign in.